I have spent the last month or so writing positive blogs about positive things that make me feel good and turn me into a better person. I truly believe everything that I have written. I am genuinely becoming a more positive person. But I know that I am also still very realistic. I spent a lot of time trying to convince the second ex-husband that there is a difference between negativity and realism and I still believe that. Just because I'm being realistic does not mean that I am being negative.
We've established the fact that I am a planner and a control freak. It's just part of my nature. I wish that I could just sit back and let things happen. I wish that I didn't worry about everything that could possibly happen. I can't. But what does a control freak planner do when they can't plan? Weird question I know. And really I know the answer. They drive themselves crazy planning for every possible scenario.
There's this weird place in life where you can't plan. This place is called Limbo. Limbo is this place where there is something HUGE that is completely out of your control that makes it impossible to plan. There are always extenuating circumstances when it comes to planning, that's not Limbo. Limbo is the big thing that will either happen, or not, that will change your plan entirely if it does, or doesn't, happen. When you have more than one things that puts you in Limbo it's that much worse.
So, when you are a planner, and Limbo is a place that you live, all you do is plan for every possible scenario. I'll admit that there are days where I can pretend that Limbo doesn't exist and just plan for what I want to happen. Then there are days where the realism, end even the negativity, set in and make it impossible to breathe and all you want to do is cry, because you are stuck in Limbo and the control freak in you can't quite figure out what to do with that. The control freak planner in you sits down and makes lists to help plan for plan A through plan Z. Having that many plans and that many lists and knowing that you have possibly missed something makes you just a little crazy.
My friend Veronica would tell me right at this moment to calm the fuck down. I try, but there are days where calming down is impossible, where is doesn't matter how hard I try I can't quite get outside of my head. I think everyone has days like that. It's these days that I try and tell myself to just be patient. As PJ will tell you "Patience is waiting without asking". The truth is you can't live in Limbo forever. Everything happens for a reason and works out the way it's supposed to.
That doesn't change the fact that Limbo is a bitch.