Monday, September 30, 2013

Capture the Good Times

Day 15 - An Old Photo of You - 

Pictures are like quotes and music to me. I hoard them.  Luckily, thanks to Shutterfly, Pinterest and Google Play I can hoard all three electronically. Since we've switched to digital photos I don't have to hoard them in plastic tubs under the bed with all of the negatives.  I do, however, miss real pictures.  I miss going through the plastic tubs, the feel of a picture in your hand, the knowledge that you have to be careful with that picture because if the negative is gone, there is no getting it back.  

The thing about photos is they help you remember things you have forgotten.  Music does that too, but music helps you remember a feeling, pictures help you remember a time or an event.  Pictures help you remember people you haven't seen in years, or people who are no longer with us.  Pictures remind you that you were once much younger than you are now and that you probably shouldn't get that haircut ever again. Pictures reveal emotions that are sometimes hidden or missed when you are in the moment. Pictures are powerful in a way that not many things are.  I don't ever get rid of pictures, real or electronic, you may never know when you need the memory.  

I take pictures all the time and of everything.  I post hundreds of pictures to Facebook.  Pictures of myself and of anyone else.  I don't understand people who don't like to have their photo taken.  I love it.  When I have a picture (or 100) that means that I am never going to forget that day.  I will be able to pull that picture out in 30 years to remind me of the people that I was with and the times we had. If I take enough pictures PJ will never forget the first year he played baseball, or any of the other years.  He'll always remember the trip to Hawaii when he was three because he'll be able to pull the memory out of the picture.  Even more important is that I will always remember those times.  We spend so much time getting caught up in life that we forget that our children were once babies, and that we were once young. We take for granted the fact that time is passing.  Pictures give us a perspective on life that not many other things can.  

This is me with my great grandparents, grandparents, parents, great aunt, uncle and second cousin. My guess is that it's probably the summer of 1984.  I love this picture.  There aren't very many of all of us in one place. 

Also probably the summer of 1984.  Gus, the dog, was the best dog in the whole world.  He loved me in a way that only a dog can, from the moment I came home from the hospital.  He used to let me water him, do somersaults over his back and pretty much anything else I wanted.

Me and my brother Morgan. There's probably 10 years between these pictures. We were so cute.

Proof I've always like to have my picture taken. Lol.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Don't take my mascara!

Day 14 - What's in your makeup bag?

Let's be clear about something. I don't have a makeup bag. I have five. Or six. Maybe seven. They are all full of makeup that I don't use but can't bring myself to throw away just in case I need the bright pink lipstick or silver eyeliner someday.  I also have a cabinet that contains those bags and about twenty bottles of half full lotion and twenty more bottles of shampoo and conditioner that I decided I didn't like but also can't seem to throw away. What if I run out and need to use that shitty conditioner in a pinch? Maybe one day I'll want to smell like Bath and Body Works Grapefruit (probably not). Oh crap, I'm a toiletry hoarder. That also explains my need to have at least 12 rolls of toilet paper in reserve at all times.

Anyway, back to the makeup. In addition to the five, six, maybe seven bags under the sink, I also have a drawer and a vase with the makeup I actually use.  It's not very much. Bare Minerals powder and bronzer, nude and brown eyeshadow, a couple different colors of eyeliner, chapstick and mascara.

Oh, mascara. How I love my mascara. If told I could only take two items of makeup to a desert island I would want to have mascara and chapstick. Why I would need either if I was stranded on a dessert island I don't know but you used to come across that question on stupid Myspace surveys all the time. I genuinely do not want to leave the house without mascara on.

Mascara is the only thing that keeps me from looking 12. If I try and buy lottery tickets without mascara on I get carded every time.  I suppose that's something to be proud of. I mean, really, I thank anyone who asks to see my I.D. Especially when it's for lottery tickets. That means I look under 18. The best feeling in the world is when you get carded and the person carding you calculates your age and acts surprised. Whether they actually are or not is totally irrelevant.  When you are thirty something and find more grey hairs and wrinkles daily you take what you can get.  But I digress, mascara.

It has taken me 20 years and hundreds of dollars to find the perfect mascara. It's Urban Decay and its amazing. Even knowing that I have the perfect mascara I can't help but try others. What if a better perfect mascara comes out? I need to try the new ones to make sure that they aren't better than the perfect one I am already using.

So this post has revealed that I collect (aka hoard) toiletries and mascara and that I have issues with aging.


Saturday, September 28, 2013

Expired Milk and Moldy Cheese

 Day 13 - What's inside your fridge?

I'm not sure why anyone would care what is in someone else's fridge unless you were planning to come for dinner but here it goes...

Up until about 12 hours ago there was moldy cheese and expired milk in my refrigerator.  Obviously these items are not in high demand in my home.  PJ likes cheese sandwiches in his lunch but school just started and he ended up having to have peanut butter because the cheese was green.

There are certain things that are just staples in my fridge.  Besides the usual staples of mustard, Miracle Whip and ketchup.  There always has to be a 2 gallon jug of water in the fridge.  I like my water cold and filtered.

Recently my mom introduced me to cooked chicken breast that you can buy from the deli and Fred Meyer. It's perfect for cutting up and putting in pasta or on sandwiches.  When you are cooking for one or two it makes a whole lot more sense than baking a chicken breast just for you.  I also always have the organic hearts of romaine.  They don't have to be washed and are easy to just tear up and throw chicken on.

I have tsatziki and feta cheese. Fruits and veggies. Beer.  LOTS of condiments. There is liquor and chocolate in my freezer.

The newest addition to my fridge is canned cat food for my picky ass cat.  I love her to death but I'm really annoyed that she won't eat her dry food.

Oh, I guess I can't forget the bread.  I have a weakness for bread.  I buy the end of day bags at Fred Meyer.  They are bags filled with whatever is left in the "baked fresh today" bins.  They are $1 and I get all kinds of miscellaneous breads, bagels and rolls.  Plus PJ wants normal wheat bread and I always need to have pita bread for wraps or to dip.

I try to be healthy and buy healthy food.  I'm pretty boring and stick to my regular stuff.

And that concludes the most boring blog post ever.

Friday, September 27, 2013

Ned Nickerson and a Powder Blue Mustang

Day 12 - My Favorite Childhood Book

How does an avid reader choose a favorite childhood book?  Well, she asks her mom.  When starting this challenge I knew what books I wanted to write about but I didn't know what books were my favorite when I wasn't quite reading on my own.

I read my first book, by myself, when I was three.  I remember the morning it happened. It must have been the weekend, because both Mom and Dad were home and I was sitting on the floor in their room, in a sunspot.  Morgan was an infant and was in bed with them.  I sat down and announced that I was going to read them a story.  It was a story about a goat and a mountain.  I can still see the book cover in my head.  It was green and there was a goat standing on top of a mountain on it.  Shocker.  I'm sure that I had memorized the book after mom and dad read it to me often enough.  But isn't that what reading is at first?  Memorization.

Mom and Dad read to me all the time.  Mom says that I loved Goodnight Moon, Mother Goose, The Jolly Postman and How the Sun Was Brought Back to the Sky.  I remember loving a book called Geraldine's Blanket.  It was about a pig named Geraldine that didn't want to give up her pink baby blanket.  I have a pink blanket that I slept with until I got married and it looked exactly like Geraldine's.  I'm sure that is one of the reasons I liked it so much.  I read that book to PJ and still pull it off of the shelf every once in awhile just to read to myself.

I'm not sure anyone ever really forgets the book that turned them into a reader.  I was obviously always a reader but it takes a certain book to turn you into the kind of reader that sneaks a flashlight under the covers so that you can read when you're supposed to be sleeping.  The kind of reader that would rather be reading than playing outside.  The kind of reader that gets grounded from reading because it's the one thing her parents know will make the most impact as a punishment.

The book that turned me into a reader was The Nancy Drew Files: Secrets Can Kill.  I don't know where I bought this book, but I still have it.   It was published in 1991 so I was nine or ten the first time I read it.  I remember sitting in my room all day one weekend finishing the book.  I couldn't put it down and didn't want to.  In this particular story Nancy Drew has to go back to high school to catch a thief and ends up having to solve a murder.

There was nothing about Nancy that I didn't love, she was strong and smart and could solve any mystery that was put in front of her.  She drove a Mustang, which quickly became my dream car.  Her best friends George and Bess were funny and always helpful.  She had a boyfriend, Ned, who was kinda dumb but still a great boyfriend. I wanted to be Nancy Drew.

After reading the first book in the Nancy Drew Files I couldn't read the rest fast enough.  I devoured them. There are 124 books in that specific Nancy Drew series and I'm sure that I read most of them.  I also became a bit fixated on the old ones.  I own twelve first edition Nancy Drew books and I still have about fifteen of my favorite paperbacks.

I still want a Mustang and I still love to read mysteries.  I feel like Nancy Drew helped me learn to analyze and quickly asses any situation.  So, thank you Nancy, for helping me be the person and the reader that I am today.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

Day 11 - 15 of my favorite things

Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens...

Whenever I hear the term favorite things I think of the song from the Sound of Music.  This blog could also be titled Things That Make Me Happy.  That's the beauty of favorite things, they have a tendency to make you happy. It's usually the little things that become your favorite and make you the happiest.  Here are fifteen of my little things.

1. Dutch Bros. - My favorite coffee.  It's so amazing.  They make their mocha's with chocolate milk.  Their lids say wonderful things, like "Smile" and "You Taste Good", on them and the employees are always laughing and listening to loud music.

2. Merlot - I love my wine but I love my Merlot the most.  I used to make fun of my dad for drinking wine "you could chew" and now it's my favorite.  A good Merlot has the ability to make even the most perfect day a little bit better.

3. The sound of the ocean - Waves, wind, seagulls.  There is nothing better than the sound of the ocean. Someday I'll live where I can hear the ocean all of the time.  For now I'll just keep using my sound machine to help me fall asleep at night.  A recording is better than nothing.

4. Taking off my bra and shoes at the end of the day - Yeah I said it.  The removal of the heels and the bra at the end of my workday is probably the best part of the whole day.  It's a huge sigh of relief.  It's giving yourself permission to relax.  Plus it's just more comfortable.

5. Sunshine - I've lived in the Pacific Northwest for my entire life.  I'll take whatever sunshine I can get.  It doesn't have to be hot, the sun just has to be out.  Sitting on the porch in the sun.  The sunlight peeking through the curtains in the morning. Having to wear sunglasses.  They are all happy because of the sun.

6. Reading in bed on Sunday mornings - I love lazy Sunday's and I love laying in bed with a cup of coffee and a good book for as long as possible on Sunday mornings.  There is just something happy about knowing that you are enjoying wasting time and you have nothing more you would rather be doing.

7. Mexican Food - There's another upcoming post devoted to favorite foods so I won't go into too much detail but Mexican food is definitely my favorite kind of food.  If I am forced to choose what to eat I'm probably going to pick something Mexican.  True authentic Mexican, the kinds that doesn't have all the cheddar cheese and sour cream, is my favorite.

8. Gerber Daisies - They're my favorite flowers.  I would rather have Gerber Daisies than roses any day.

9. Birthdays - Birthdays are special and birthdays are important, and not just my birthday, anyone's.  I think that birthdays should be as important to everyone as they are to me. They are by far my favorite holiday to celebrate.

10. Road Trips - A good road trip beats any other type of vacation.  I love stopping at historical markers, viewpoints and random small convenience stores for Snickers and Snapple.  I love it when you find yourself someplace that you hadn't intended to end up but the wheels took you there.  I love listening to music and laughing and long important conversations that feel safe in the car where you can't get away.  I REALLY love road trips.

11. Good country love songs - Seriously, those country boys know how to romance a girl.  They aren't afraid to say exactly how they feel in their music and it's amazing.  I was listening to the country station the other day and I kept saying "Oh, I love this song".  PJ chimed in with "You love too many songs".  I don't think that's possible.

12. Yellow and Pink - My favorite colors.  Yellow has been my favorite color since I was old enough to say what my favorite color was.  It's bright and happy and the color of sunshine.  I used to hate pink.  I didn't want to have anything to do with it.  Then suddenly one day I just loved it and now I can't get enough pink.  It just makes me happy.

13. Cuddling - I don't really think I realized until recently how much a good cuddle means.  I don't just mean cuddling in bed, I mean any cuddle.  In front of the TV on the sofa or sitting next to each other touching in a booth at a restaurant. There is just something about touch that is so important and vital to emotional well being.  A good cuddle has the ability to slow you down, make you feel loved and important.  Can't get much better than that.

14. Jeopardy - It's not just Jeopardy it's trivia in general.  I know a lot of random stuff. My favorite games to play are games that make all of the random information I have crammed in my head seem not so useless.

15. Looking at the stars and moon - I've always been fascinated with the moon and stars.  I love going someplace really dark and looking at all the stars.  I pay attention to the phases of the moon.  If you can see the stars and the moon that means there aren't any clouds, which in turn means it isn't raining.  I hate the rain so that's a big deal.  Also, for whatever reason, the idea that you can be looking at the same moon as someone else, thousands of miles away, at the same time, is happy.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Say Cheese! But Don't Wave.

Day 10 - What is your best physical feature?

After my friend Veronica posted her amazing physical feature blog the other day, anything that I have to say on the topic would just seem vain and/or superfluous.  If you haven't read this amazing blog about the stupidity of thigh gaps and the fact that women really are desirable at any size, you should click the link and then share it will all your friends.  Male or female.

I'll answer the question and state that my favorite physical feature is my smile.  However, I decided that since I wasn't going to go on about my best feature I would talk about the part of my body that I hate the most. Most women are going to go on to say their ass, or their thighs, or hell, even their knee fat.  Not me, I hate my right shoulder, which leads me to, some days, hate my right hand and arm.  Why you may ask?  Well...

One hot day, in the summer of 1994, a group of friends and I decided to walk to Pier Pool to go to teen swim.  It was the summer between 7th and 8th grade and pretty much all we did was walk around St. Johns and swim. As we were walking home that night a car turning left hit me while I was walking across the street.  According to the people that I was with, I flew up on the hood, smacked and broke the windshield with my shoulder and subsequently flew off the hood and bounced on the street.  I don't remember any of that.  I remember sitting in the middle of St. Louis telling everyone I was fine and that I wanted to go home all while my right arm was dangling out of the socket.

That was the only time I have ever ridden in an ambulance.  They strapped me to a board, loaded me in the back and I'll never forget that the EMT and I had a conversation about the fact that my double jointed elbows make them stronger than regular elbows.  I had always thought the opposite.

After many tests in the ER it was discovered that I had a torn rotator cuff and they put my shoulder back in the socket.  Throughout the next year I dislocated my shoulder nine more times.  I managed to put it back in place every time with the assistance of a friend or my mom.  It hurt like crazy but it always felt so much better after I put it back in, so there was no way I was going to wait to get to the doctor when I could just take care of it myself (interesting, that's still my philosophy about going to the doctor).  The last time I dislocated it I couldn't get it back in myself so Dad took me to the ER.  We refer to that as the night of the infamous Miss Piggy joke.  I was 14 and hopped up on pain killers and some drug they gave me to make me forget that they were about to shove my arm back in place.

Me: Hey Dad, why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Dad: I don't know.  Why?
Me: Cus' when she get's to 69 she's got a frog in her throat.

I think that may still be my dads favorite joke.

Anyway, after that I had to have surgery to repair my rotator cuff.  There's a pin and some fake stuff in there to make it work.  Surgery was awful and I had to go to physical therapy to get my arm to work again.  The first couple years after surgery were okay.  It didn't bother me too much.  I was a cheerleader for three years for goodness sake.  Talk about stress on the shoulder.  I was probably about 20 when it started to bother me again. And boy does it bother me.

I don't remember the last time I woke up and my shoulder didn't hurt in some way or another.  I baby it, and that causes muscle knots in my back and shoulder that don't go away.  I take muscle relaxers on a semi-regular basis.  There are some days that my shoulder hurts so bad that my fingers don't work.  Days that I go completely left handed because my entire right arm hurts too much to move.  When it get's cold outside the pain increases and mobility decreases.  It's annoying and awful.

Now, you  may be thinking "Your right shoulder doesn't have to be your least favorite body part.  Go to the doctor, then it could be your thighs, like a normal girl."  Here's the problem.  I read a couple of years ago that rotator cuff repair lasts about ten years.  It's kind of like knee surgery and has to be redone.  It's been seventeen years! If I go to a doctor the likelihood that I will have to go through the hell of that surgery again is pretty high.  I'm 30 something years old.  To have to have shoulder surgery every ten years for the rest of my life in asinine.

So if I ask you if you have a prescription for Flexeril it's because I'm out and my arm won't work.  Also, if you ever need a good laugh just remember the snazzy jingle that my friends came up with after I got hit by a car. "Rachel got ran over by a green scirocco/walking home from Pier Pool yesterday". Yes, it is to the tune of Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer.  Laugh away.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

I'm Perfect. The End.

Day 9 - Your Worst Habits

The problem with bad habits is that most of the time you don't realize that you have them.

There are the obvious bad habits like smoking, cocaine, heroin... you know the really bad ones. But what if you don't do any of those things?

Luckily for me I got my mother's control freak tendencies to balance out the addictive personality that my father passed along. I need to be in control of myself and my surroundings.  I'm sure that has a lot to do with my anxiety issues.  If I'm not in control I'm anxious.  I will very rarely drink enough to get drunk unless I am at home or at my parent's house.  I'm the responsible one, what can I say?

I won't say I've never had a bad habit.  I've smoked, and quit, a few times.  I haven't started again because I failed at quitting, I started again because I wanted to.  I quit every time as soon as I realize my life starts to revolve around smoking.  As soon as I feel like smoking has some sort of control over me I quit.  I need to be the one controlling things, not my addiction to nicotine.

There are things that I am really careful about doing too much of because I feel like there is a possibility that the addictive personality will win out over my controlling nature.  Pills, of any kind scare me a bit.  I think I could probably live on Flexeril, a muscle relaxer, so I am very careful about how often I take it.  I refuse to take Xanax.  I'm really high strung and I think that I could get used to the feeling a Xanax would give me.  I don't know though because I won't even try one.

I also don't drink nearly as much as my Facebook may make it look like I do.  I come from a long line of alcoholics and I know that if not for the need to be in control I could very easily fall into that category.  So I'm VERY careful, and if at any point I feel like my drinking is getting out of control or negatively influencing my life I just quit for awhile.  No big deal.

I suppose that coffee could be considered a bad habit.  I drink a lot of coffee and it isn't just because I like it. I NEED coffee to function. For some reason it doesn't bother me that I need it.  Maybe because I genuinely like coffee so I don't feel like it's controlling me.

I also procrastinate. A lot.  For a planner such as myself it's kind of odd.  I always have a plan I just wait until the last minute to implement it.  Usually this works in my favor.  Thank goodness.

Oh yeah, I guess my habit of cursing like a sailor could be considered bad.  But really, fuck that shit.  I don't give a flying fuck.

Monday, September 23, 2013

My Purse - Go Ahead, Look Inside

Day 8 - What's in your purse?

I'm really not weird about my purse the way that other girl's are. Who am I kidding? I'm not weird about a lot of things that other girls are. My purse is necessary so that I can carry all of my crap.  That's all.  There isn't anything secret, private or embarrassing in there.  I carry a small purse in the summer and a large purse in the winter.  In the winter you need more crap.  In the summer you get eliminate a lot of the stuff you carry around with you.  I don't know why, but it seems to be truth.

I'm still using my little summer purse and will probably continue to until PJ is done with fall baseball.  It's easier to deal with at the ball field. My winter purse is a Coach, my summer purse isn't. So I can set the summer purse on wet bleachers and not care about it whole lot. Baseball, in the fall, in the Pacific Northwest is wet.

People say you can tell a lot about a person by what is in her purse.  I'm not so sure that is true about me. Maybe the biggest thing you can tell is that I am fairly practical and that I like pink. A lot.

I have my wallet, which is pink.  It's tiny and consists of my driver's license, two cards to access money, my Dutch Bros. punch card, both my and PJ's insurance cards and some change.

There's my sunglasses and regular glasses.  I wear my sunglasses year round, the stupid bright grey glare all winter makes them necessary.  I wear my regular glasses while driving in the dark and the rain.  If it's just dark or just raining I don't need them.  The combination of the two makes me damn near blind.

In the front little pocket have chapstick, three different kinds, and lipstick for when I need some color and my favorite ink pen. Then there's the little inside pocket that holds my tanning goggles, pads and ear buds.  

I'm never without kleenex and WetOnes.  In case you don't know.  WetOnes get stains out of clothes. You can't use just wipes, they have to be WetOnes.  I discovered this little trick when I had a baby that regularly spit up on me and have carried a pack ever since.  They get out coffee and ink and that random piece of chocolate that always falls off of the Snickers and onto your shirt.  They are amazing.

Of course there is also my work keys, my personal keys and my cell phone.  All of which have pink on them somewhere.

Except for a random receipt or two that's all.  So the next time I say "Just grab it out of my purse. It's right on top."  I really mean it.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Pet Peeves - an Opportunity for Complaint That is Seldom Missed

Day 7 - Your Pet Peeves -

I don't have any pet peeves so this blog is going to be really boring.

Just kidding!  Of course I have pet peeves.  I have a lot of them.  Weird things like blue food, it's disgusting, there is no food or drink on the planet that should be blue.  It's just gross. Blue Raspberry stuff is the worst. Raspberries AREN'T blue.  Why does raspberry flavored stuff have to be? I love raspberries but since I refuse to eat anything blue I don't ever get to have raspberry flavored things.

I also really hate it when people leave their dishes in the sink when the dishwasher is dirty.  Are your arms broken? Nope, didn't think so.  Rinse your plate and put it in the dishwasher. It's. Just. Not. That. Hard.

When people put things in my face.  It's a bubble thing.  I can't see anything if it's within 8 inches of my face (I could if I would get over myself and wear my glasses, but my vanity is a different post) and if I can't see it and it's in my bubble it's a problem.  Respect the bubble people.

Bathroom stalls with no purse hook.  What do you do with your purse when there is no purse hook?  Leave it on your shoulder and shift it around while you pee, wipe and pull up your pants.  It's stupid and inconvenient.

Crooked pictures make me crazy.  Especially in public.  Fix that.  Get a level.  I have been know to straighten pictures, and not just in public.

Grammatical errors are also a pet peeve.  You saw something, you didn't seen it.  You don't got something, you have something.  Let's not even talk about they're, their and there or you're and your.

Of course I have serious pet peeves too.  Lack of communication is a HUGE one.  We live in a society where people have multiple options when it comes to communicating.  E-mail, text, voicemail, phone, facebook message, just to name a few.  It's not like the only way to communicate is via letter or smoke signal.  I understand that lives are busy.  Hell, I even forget to communicate my plans some days. However, constant lack of communication is just ridiculous.

Lack of communication leads straight in to my pet peeve of lack of planning.  I'm a planner.  It's what I do. I will start planning a year in advance for something.  I make lists to help me plan.  So, not planning doesn't make sense.

Oh, you want to hang out?  When?  You don't know?  Why not?

It's your birthday? Great, what are you doing?  You're going to figure it later?  WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT LATER?!?!?

I understand that there are certain situations where spontaneity is required and other situations where circumstances make it so that you are unable to plan.  I, however, am never going to not make a plan if I have the opportunity.

Oh yeah, then there is the cold.  I'm pretty sure I never miss the opportunity to complain when I'm cold or when it's cold outside.

That being said, I think I'll go make a list. I'm sure I have something to plan.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

But wait... What About My ESP?

Day 6 - Your Five Senses Right Now -

Not my favorite topic.  Really, I sit in my office at work writing all of these blogs, and, until I get a computer at home, will continue to do so.  Therefore, my senses aren't being especially stimulated.

Hearing- Hey There Deliliah is playing on Pandora right now. I can hear the radio in the lobby playing 103.3 but I can't make out the song.  There is also the clatter of the keys on my keyboard.  Someone told me I should get a new one because the letters were rubbing off.  I don't need the letters but I do love the great sound this keyboard makes while I'm typing, so I think I'll keep it.

Smell- It really just smells like my office.  Air... nothing special...

Sight-  Well, there's this computer screen that I stare at all day every day.  The sun is out for a brief moment so it's really light in my office right now. I'm a little tired because of stupid cats fighting and waking me up outside my window last night, so things are a bit fuzzy around the edges.

Touch- I'm touching the keyboard. My elbows are on my desk and my ass in in my chair.

Taste- Coffee.  I'm not sure that there are a whole lot of working hours that I'm not drinking coffee.  I used to have a rule that I had to stop drinking coffee at noon and switched to water.  Then I decided that I am thirty-something years old and will effing drink coffee for as long as I want. So I do.

But wait, what about my sixth sense?  That gut feeling.  The feeling that you know something, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you probably shouldn't know. The night you dream about someone and the dream is so strong that you feel the need to check in on them and THEN find out they needed to be checked on? It happens to me often.  Not right this second but often enough that my mom and I have had lengthy conversations about it. I know that technically that sixth sense isn't actually considered a sense, but for some of us it should be.  When people ask me how I knew something and I can't explain it I respond with "I'm magic".  And really, I am.

Friday, September 20, 2013

Funny How a Melody Sounds Like a Memory

Day 5- 10 Songs You Love Right Now.

I love music.  It is truly an obsession. I listen to Pandora daily. I get lost listening to new music on YouTube and download entire albums all the time, whether I know if I am going to like them or not.  I love old music and new music.  There is nothing better than being surprised by a song that you haven't heard in forever.

Songs are like memories.  I can place the year a song came out based on the memories that I have that correspond with it. Then there are the old songs that are made new because they suddenly become applicable to your life in some way.

Choosing just 10 songs is really hard.  Wait, am I having a hard time making a decision again? :-)  Here they are, in no particular order. The 10, most current, that make me happy when I hear them.

SoMo is amazing.  There are some days that I listen to him on YouTube all day.  If you like this one his Power Trip Rendition is almost better than J.Cole's original.

Oh wait, I guess that's 11. Lol.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

I Might Just Be A Little Afraid

Day 4 - What am I'm afraid of. That's loaded. What am I not afraid of is a better question.  I originally started this post thinking that it needed to be funny.  No one really wants to discuss their serious fears.  You're not supposed to admit that you are afraid  Let alone admit how often and how much you are afraid.  So I started brain storming and I came up with an entire list of things I am afraid of and the only funny thing on the whole list is crustaceans.  That's right, I don't like crabs.  Lobsters and shrimps aren't as scary but they still aren't not scary.  They have all of these legs that move in weird ways, independent of each other.  I hate them more than spiders.  They creep me out. Even just looking at this picture makes my heart beat too fast.  I'm also really afraid of scorpions. Maybe it has something to do with shells...

That being said, I decided there was no way I could base a post about being afraid solely on the fact that I am scared of crabs. If I did, I wouldn't be facing my fear of being vulnerable.

I really am afraid of almost everything. I already talked about my social anxiety, and anxiety is surely fear.  I'm also afraid of crashing my car, airports, being disappointed, disappointing other people, getting a horrible disease, losing someone important to me and failing, at anything.  I'm afraid of loving someone so much that I lose myself... again. I'm afraid that I'm not strong enough. I'm afraid of being rejected. I'm afraid of confrontation.  Confrontation is probably the biggest fear I have. Even just kicking people out of the hot tub makes my hands shake and my heart beat too hard.  Arguing with someone that I love is awful and I hate it so much that I'll probably just shut down completely.  I will do almost anything in my power to avoid confrontation.  I am probably more afraid of confrontation than of crabs.

The thing is, as I was sitting here, making a list of all of my fears I realized that even though I am scared of all of these things I get up every morning, get out of bed and face them anyway.  I drive my car daily, I go to airports and fly more and more often. I do my job and live my life.  I do kick people out of the pool and I argue with people I love when it's important.  I go out in public regardless of my anxiety. I put myself in positions to be rejected and disappointed.  I take on tasks that I might fail. I love anyway, with the faith that I am strong enough to not lose myself... again.

I guess the point is that rather that dwelling on what we're afraid of, we should probably be focusing on the things that we do everyday to face our fears. The things we do in spite of our fears.  I think everyone would be healthier and happier if they did.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Words are Power

Day 3 - Your Favorite Quote.  How do I choose a favorite quote.  That's like asking me to choose my favorite book or movie or food.  If you read Day 2's post you all know that I have trouble making decisions anyway and asking me to choose a favorite quote is almost impossible.

I have always loved quotes.  Before I had a computer, I had spiral notebooks filled with quotes and song lyrics that I loved.  I own entire books filled with quotes that have my initials written next to my favorites. Now I have Pinterest.  When I am feeling especially bored, or melancholy, or happy, or bored I go to Pinterest.  I have over 1200 pins on JUST my quote boards.

Asking me to pick a favorite isn't going to happen.  But I can maybe choose a few that speak to me more than others.

I LOVE One Tree Hill.  Every time I read this quote it just rings true.  We all spend our lives talking about someday.  Well guess what? Here it is. Now what?

This quote showed up in my life when I needed it the most.  I don't have time to make anyone like me.  It's hard for me to do.  I like to be liked.  However, I am who I am and there are fundamental things about my personality that I am unwilling to change to make anyone like me.  Accept me for who I am or move on.

I need to read both of these every once in awhile to remind myself that I can never allow either of these quotes to become true ever again.

This next quote just proves my hopeless romantic side.  However, it put soul mates into a perspective that I hadn't seen before.  It definitely changed my ideas of what love and soul mates should be.  

And last but not least my favorite of all of these.  I think that I have always thought that happiness should be easy and safe but it's not.  Happiness is about taking risks to get what you want and changing yourself into the best person that you can be in order maintain the happy.  If that's not scary I don't know what is.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Twenty Things About Me You Never Needed to Know.

Today's challenge was hard for me. Can I even think of twenty things about myself? With a little help from my LP Jennifer, I was finally able to compose the list.  I was stuck at 17, she reminded me of a couple silly things that are surely facts.  So, here we go, twenty things about me:

1. Reading is therapy.  A good book is like a good friend.  I'll even admit that I don't like to read challenging books.  If I am going to escape to someplace else I want it to be fun and easy.  Life is full of hard things, I use reading to escape those things. I'm certainly not going to sit down with a difficult book that is going to stress me out.  I used to have all of these reading rules, like I had to finish a book if I start it.  Not anymore, now if I'm not having fun reading it I'm done.

2. I LOVE food. This may be an understatement.  Food is SO important.  I think about eating all the time.  I can be particular about my food but I can always find something I want to eat anywhere.  I can never decide what to eat because everything always sounds so good and maybe because I have a  hard time making decisions...

3. Coffee is necessary to life. Ask my co-workers, or my child, or anyone who has ever had to speak to me first thing in the morning.  If you bring me coffee without me having to ask, I love you.  It's as simple as that.

4. My son is amazing. I know as a mom I'm supposed to say this however I'm not the only one that says it.  I truly believe that he is the best thing I have ever done in my whole life and probably the best thing I ever will do.  He just continues to get more and more amazing the older he gets.

5. I've been divorced twice.  That's right, twice, in seven years.  Luckily the first ex-husband and I get along famously, which is another reason why my son is so amazing. We're not going to talk about the second ex-husband.  Actually, I think I may just pretend he doesn't exist at all.

6. I watch the entire series of Rookie Blue once a year. Yep, that's right. Every fall, after the most recent season of Rookie Blue ends I download it and then I start the entire series from the first episode. I can't help myself.  I recently realized that Sam Swarek, my favorite character, reminds me a lot of one of my favorite people, so my like for the show may go a little deeper than the guns, drugs, sex and drama that I love so much.

7. I get social anxiety. I have always thought of myself as fairly social, however, the older I get the worse my anxiety gets.  I will never walk into a restaurant or bar I have never been in first. If someone holds the door open for me I will step inside the door and the other person will have to go first.  Concerts, I'll go but I won't leave my seat.  Large crowds of people in any setting, only if I can hold your hand.  And THAT is why I don't leave my apartment.

8. I love driving. No really LOVE it!  I love driving anywhere as long as I'm not stuck in traffic.  Driving with the radio up and the windows down is one of the happiest feelings and where I do my best thinking.

9. I hate talking about feelings and will probably just send you a song. I'm really bad at putting my feelings into words. It's like they get stuck in my brain and can't get out.  I suppose that if I would go to therapy, rather than just reading, I might discover that I have a fear of rejection and/or confrontation so I speak through music instead.  Oh, look, I just figured it out and saved myself thousands. Anyway, music is as essential as reading to my emotional well being and often I use music to convey things that I can't get out of my brain.

10. I would be content working at a burger shop by the beach. This may be my new life goal. I recently went to Southern California beaches for the first time and discovered that this is actually an option. The ocean is my happy place, any ocean, but Oregon beaches don't have shops on them because it's so cold and windy all the time.  How great would it be to live someplace warm, by the ocean, and make burgers for happy people at the beach?  I won't even be at picky as to say it has to be burgers, it could ice cream or smoothies or whatever.  But to get to work essentially outside, by the beach and read a book and listen to the waves while doing it. It wouldn't make me rich but it would keep me happy.

11. My mom is my best friend. No if, ands or buts about it.  She always has been.  I suppose there were a few rocky teenage years but for the most part there has never been a question.  I'll do things and say things that are so like my mom it surprises even me, but really there isn't anyone I would rather be like. I'll also tell her things that I would never tell anyone else.  My mom knows everything about me.  I can't even imagine keeping anything from her.

12. I can be a bit particular. If Veronica were the one writing about me I think that she would say I am more than just a bit particular, and since she has been my sometimes roommate she probably knows better than anyone at this point. I like things done a certain way.  I won't go to bed if the kitchen is dirty. You can't put more than half a banana in my smoothie.  I can't sleep with a light on or with the fan off.  I have a few idiosyncrasies.  Just a few :-)

13. I can sew and crochet. I feel like both are turning into a lost art.  Or maybe I'm just older than my years.  In any case, every winter I make at least one blanket. I just started a red and yellow one for myself. I've never made myself a blanket before it seems like it's about darn time.

14. I have twenty-two boards, and counting, on Pinterest. That's right. Twenty-two. Twenty-three if you count the private one with all the quotes and things that I want to keep hidden from the whole world. If you ever need a gift idea, a quote for a special occasion or a recipe that includes jalapenos, just visit my Pinterest. You won't be disappointed.

15. I love watching sports.  Football, baseball, college basketball, hockey, it doesn't matter if there are sports on I'll watch them.  The only sport I won't watch is NBA basketball, in my opinion the players are all just baby bitches. My favorite sport ever to watch is my son play baseball.  I hope he plays for a long time. And when he does stop I hope that someday WAY in the future I end up with grand kids that will play sports that I can watch.

16. I have eight tattoos, and counting. I got my first tattoo right after high school graduation with a bunch of my girlfriends, I was 17 and my mom had to sign for me to get it done.  Then three months later she paid for my second tattoo for my 18th birthday.  I was officially hooked.  I took a bit of a break during the forgotten marriage and then just got my eighth tattoo a few months ago.  For my birthday next month I plan on getting myself my ninth, I can't wait.

17. I am horrible at making decisions.  I blame this wonderful personality trait on being a Libra.  I am able to see, and identify with, both sides of any situation which makes decision making difficult.  I'm probably never going to pick a restaurant or decide what to do on a Friday night.  On the flip side of that, once I make a decision that means I have spent plenty of time and energy coming to a conclusion and, especially with big things, there isn't a whole lot that can be done to change my mind.

18. I laugh in the face of piss beer.  I'll probably laugh in your face if you order a piss beer. Note: the definition of piss beer is anything that you could mistake for water. i.e. Bud Light, Coors Light, Corona Light.  I just don't understand why you would bother to drink that crap.  There just comes a point, like any age after 25, that you should grow some balls and drink a different kind of beer.  A better beer.  A grown up beer.

19. I'm a hopeless romantic, even if I don't like to admit it. I'll try and act like a hard ass.  I'll pretend to be bitter.  I'll keep my feelings bottled up inside.  What it comes down to is that I am a sucker for a romantic movie, book or story,  I love weddings and there is nothing better than the idea of loving someone who understands and loves you back.

20. I am convinced I am a Queen. No one has ever been able to convince me of anything different.  I decided that I was the queen when I was about 10ish and have been ever since.  One of my tattoo's is a crown.  I have a house full of crowns and queen things.  People used to try and say "Don't you mean Princess?" Absolutely not, the queen is the boss, and that's me,  the boss.