Is It Bad When Your Assistant Tells You To Order Decaf?

 

This has seriously been an awful week.  Each day has presented some new challenge or emotional crap to deal with.  This has been a week that has definitely put to test my positive attitude and my blood pressure.  It all started on Monday and progressed from there.  Each day adding some new shit onto the shit that I already had to deal with the day before.

The hardest thing about this week has been being an adult, in all sorts of ways.  Supporting my family, dealing with stupid ex-husband crap AND the worst; choosing when to keep my mouth shut and when I should say something.

Isn't that the biggest challenge we all face everyday?  Not just the weeks or the days that are hard.  Although on those days you notice how hard keeping your mouth shut is more than the other days.  On good days we all debate on how much to say, when to say it, how what we're saying is going to effect the person that we are saying it too, and in turn how that is going to effect us.  On bad days you wonder how much you can say without destroying your relationships and getting fired.

I have literally not sent three e-mails this week just because I didn't want to deal with the ramifications of what those e-mails said.  Even though the three people that should have gotten those e-mails need to hear what I have to say, whether they want to or not.  The responsible adult in me decided that it would be better to just delete the draft then send the e-mail.  The one e-mail I did send yesterday that needed to be sent, luckily was a work e-mail, and was promptly followed by a phone call from the recipient that started with:

"Oh my goodness, what happened? I'm driving and haven't read the e-mail yet but I call feel the anger emanating through the capital letters and exclamation points."

I have also not made multiple phone calls due to the fact that I can't proof read a phone call.  I guess that's one of the best things about communicating best through written words. When this is something you know about yourself you  just write an e-mail and proofread it until you know that you have it just perfect.  When you speak, the second you open your mouth you can't take any of that back. And when I'm mad and I speak, the vulgarity that comes out of my mouth causes situations to escalate quickly (especially when talking to ex-husbands).  Heck, I can't even get through a Monday morning without my staff keeping tally of how many times I drop the "F" bomb.

It's been a heck of a week.  Yesterday Ashley, my Assistant Manager, told me I needed to order decaf coffee when I left for Dutch Bros.  I must have been a little on edge.  I'm still on edge.  I can feel it.  But it's Friday, the weekend is going to be filled with friends and Christmas stuff and maybe after writing all this down I can just let it go. We'll see.