Tuesday, September 24, 2013

I'm Perfect. The End.

Day 9 - Your Worst Habits

The problem with bad habits is that most of the time you don't realize that you have them.

There are the obvious bad habits like smoking, cocaine, heroin... you know the really bad ones. But what if you don't do any of those things?

Luckily for me I got my mother's control freak tendencies to balance out the addictive personality that my father passed along. I need to be in control of myself and my surroundings.  I'm sure that has a lot to do with my anxiety issues.  If I'm not in control I'm anxious.  I will very rarely drink enough to get drunk unless I am at home or at my parent's house.  I'm the responsible one, what can I say?

I won't say I've never had a bad habit.  I've smoked, and quit, a few times.  I haven't started again because I failed at quitting, I started again because I wanted to.  I quit every time as soon as I realize my life starts to revolve around smoking.  As soon as I feel like smoking has some sort of control over me I quit.  I need to be the one controlling things, not my addiction to nicotine.

There are things that I am really careful about doing too much of because I feel like there is a possibility that the addictive personality will win out over my controlling nature.  Pills, of any kind scare me a bit.  I think I could probably live on Flexeril, a muscle relaxer, so I am very careful about how often I take it.  I refuse to take Xanax.  I'm really high strung and I think that I could get used to the feeling a Xanax would give me.  I don't know though because I won't even try one.

I also don't drink nearly as much as my Facebook may make it look like I do.  I come from a long line of alcoholics and I know that if not for the need to be in control I could very easily fall into that category.  So I'm VERY careful, and if at any point I feel like my drinking is getting out of control or negatively influencing my life I just quit for awhile.  No big deal.

I suppose that coffee could be considered a bad habit.  I drink a lot of coffee and it isn't just because I like it. I NEED coffee to function. For some reason it doesn't bother me that I need it.  Maybe because I genuinely like coffee so I don't feel like it's controlling me.

I also procrastinate. A lot.  For a planner such as myself it's kind of odd.  I always have a plan I just wait until the last minute to implement it.  Usually this works in my favor.  Thank goodness.

Oh yeah, I guess my habit of cursing like a sailor could be considered bad.  But really, fuck that shit.  I don't give a flying fuck.

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