I Might Just Be A Little Afraid

Day 4 - What am I'm afraid of. That's loaded. What am I not afraid of is a better question.  I originally started this post thinking that it needed to be funny.  No one really wants to discuss their serious fears.  You're not supposed to admit that you are afraid  Let alone admit how often and how much you are afraid.  So I started brain storming and I came up with an entire list of things I am afraid of and the only funny thing on the whole list is crustaceans.  That's right, I don't like crabs.  Lobsters and shrimps aren't as scary but they still aren't not scary.  They have all of these legs that move in weird ways, independent of each other.  I hate them more than spiders.  They creep me out. Even just looking at this picture makes my heart beat too fast.  I'm also really afraid of scorpions. Maybe it has something to do with shells...

That being said, I decided there was no way I could base a post about being afraid solely on the fact that I am scared of crabs. If I did, I wouldn't be facing my fear of being vulnerable.

I really am afraid of almost everything. I already talked about my social anxiety, and anxiety is surely fear.  I'm also afraid of crashing my car, airports, being disappointed, disappointing other people, getting a horrible disease, losing someone important to me and failing, at anything.  I'm afraid of loving someone so much that I lose myself... again. I'm afraid that I'm not strong enough. I'm afraid of being rejected. I'm afraid of confrontation.  Confrontation is probably the biggest fear I have. Even just kicking people out of the hot tub makes my hands shake and my heart beat too hard.  Arguing with someone that I love is awful and I hate it so much that I'll probably just shut down completely.  I will do almost anything in my power to avoid confrontation.  I am probably more afraid of confrontation than of crabs.

The thing is, as I was sitting here, making a list of all of my fears I realized that even though I am scared of all of these things I get up every morning, get out of bed and face them anyway.  I drive my car daily, I go to airports and fly more and more often. I do my job and live my life.  I do kick people out of the pool and I argue with people I love when it's important.  I go out in public regardless of my anxiety. I put myself in positions to be rejected and disappointed.  I take on tasks that I might fail. I love anyway, with the faith that I am strong enough to not lose myself... again.

I guess the point is that rather that dwelling on what we're afraid of, we should probably be focusing on the things that we do everyday to face our fears. The things we do in spite of our fears.  I think everyone would be healthier and happier if they did.