Saturday, January 25, 2014

Ignore the tears. I'm just failing at life.

So, it's been awhile since I blogged. Like two weeks I think. The sucky thing about that is that means that I'm super busy. Which means that I need to be blogging, as it's my therapy. But it also means I don't have time to blog. Which means instead of my blogging therapy I get to cry my way home from work every night rather than typing about things order get my needed therapy.

Remember my last blog when I said I was going be fine, I was ready for the challenge I wasn't complaining. Well, now I'm complaining.

I feel like I'm drowning in responsibility and generally failing at life. I don't fail. I don't drown. I tread water until I've figured things out enough to swim with confidence. Generally, I know that I am strong enough to make shit work, get through things and succeed.

There is no doubt in my mind that I will succeed eventually and  that I'm not going to feel like I'm drowning forever. In the mean time, I don't know exactly how to survive.

During these life failing moments I can't quite figure out how to ask for help. As the boss/delegateor/parent/responsible adult in the house I feel like it should be easier to ask for some help. The issue comes when there is no one to ask for help or when the people who are here that are supposed to be helping don't. What exactly do you do then?

Not that I don't have any help. I have an amazing support system. A great assistant, awesome boyfriend and some of the best friends a girl can ask for. But none of them can do the baseball runs after working twelve hours, or pick the kid up from school in the middle of a work day. That support system isn't figuring out what dinner is going to be, or making lunches and cleaning out kitty boxes. They aren't figuring out which bills to pay with this check and which bills to pay with the next one. There is a work/life balance that I have to figure out. As of now I'm failing at figuring that balance out.

I keep telling all my employees that this time next month we'll be laughing at this. They must believe me. I'm not so sure I believe myself. I guess I'll just keep shedding a couple of tears on my way home until things get better and chalk it all up to an alternative form of therapy.

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