It seems to me that there is nothing more appropriate for a 100th blog post than talking about being myself.
Anyway, I love my waxing lady. She is tall, has huge boobs, lots of tattoos and is always wearing an amazing pinup dress. She told me at my first appointment with her that she is bisexual. But she didn't say it in the typical, almost defensive way. She was very matter of fact and casual about it. It came up in conversation, it's part of who she is.
Today as we were talking she mentioned her partners wife. Her current partner is male and he is married and obviously they all know each other and have this great open relationship. Now, I don't understand this arrangement, I could never do it. I'm way to possessive. But that's neither here nor there. It was the way she told me that was impressive. She didn't care what I thought. She wasn't worried about be judging her. She didn't feel the need to explain her relationship, or explain why her boyfriend has a wife. It was what it was. She was, and is every time I see her, unapologetically herself.
As I look back over the last seven months of blog posts I realize that through these 100 blogs and life changes and challenges I am more myself today than I ever have been. I know who I am. I know what I want. I am in a relationship with someone who lets me be that person and I surround myself with friends that let me do the same. I am learning to CTFD and that means getting to be more myself.
The person that I was a year ago was a high stress, high strung, OCD basket case. I couldn't be myself because I didn't know who I was. I could only identify who I had turned into and who I didn't want to be.
Not anymore and never again. I am loud. I have weird idiosyncrasies. I like to read and drink wine and coffee. I love to eat. I love to be in control. I don't need to apologize to anyone for anything that makes me who I am. Sometimes I'm a bitch and I do need to apologize for that. I need to write. I am completely unwilling to change the fundamental basics of who I am. I don't want any more kids. I might want to get married again someday, the verdict is still out. I only have to justify my decisions to two people on this planet. I really like to complain about my job but the truth is I like the numbers part of it so much that I'll probably just stick it out. I like that I'm short and I love the size of my ass. I'm always going to need to lose 10ish pounds. I'm not good at taking compliments. I am blunt. Fuck is my favorite word unless I am having an off day and then it's Shit. I always see the best in people, even when I shouldn't. I am pretty funny, even though I never knew it.
You can judge me all you want because I don't care (Big Jesus hands). I am who I am. And who I am is pretty awesome. And isn't that what everyone should be? Exactly who they are deep down. There's no real good reason to be anyone different.