Tuesday, May 27, 2014

A little late on this #yesallwomen bandwagon

After going on vacation for a week to a remote spot of the Pacific NW with no cell or internet service,and then rebelling strongly about rejoining society until I had to go back to work today, I had no idea about the murders in CA, or the #notallmen/#yesallwomen hashtag battle.

First, let me just state that I am a feminist.  I believe in equality for everyone.  That is the crux of that word. Feminists believe that everyone should be treated as equals, not just that women should be treated as equals to men. I am also a girl that likes a strong man.  I like to feel loved and cherished and yes, even protected.  I like to cuddle and I feel better in a large group of people with my boyfriend by my side.  I have always loved boys.  So for a the small group of people who read this and think that a feminist hates men, that isn't true, I love most off them because #notallmen are bad.

I'm not saying that I don't need men, I do, but hell, I need other women too.  I can't do everything, let alone do everything better. BUT that doesn't mean that I shouldn't be treated like I can do everything just as well as anyone else, male or female.

Being treated as an equal is something that is taken for granted by most.  It's not something that we analyze on a regular basis.  As a white, middle class women even I don't feel the brunt of discrimination the way that a lot do.  I don't recognize a lot of the time that being a woman puts me at a disadvantage.  And then something like this happens, it pisses me off and it makes me realize that the inequality is definitely something that I put up with every day.

I don't realize how being a woman puts me at a disadvantage until I realize how uncomfortable I am when talking to a male resident because the ring that usually resides on my left hand is in for repairs. I read a tweet that stated that telling a guy that you have a boyfriend is more effective than just saying no. Unless you are a woman you don't understand the knowledge that "no" isn't good enough. That it takes the threat of another man to solidify the rejection.

My biggest fear has always been being kidnapped and/or raped. I am a little person. If someone wanted to they could pick me up, shove me in a van and you would never hear from me again.  I would be sold or dead in a ditch. That is something that most men never fear, no matter their size.

I won't walk into someplace that I have never been before, alone or first.  I chalked this up to social anxiety for a really long time. But recently I realized that this a vulnerability issue.  Don't walk into a bar alone and look vulnerable, like you don't know what you are doing, because there is no telling what might walk up to you if you do. When I told my Dr. about this peculiarity of mine he asked if I had ever been sexually abused because that is something that women who have been do.  No, I'm just a little girl that knows bad shit happens.  I don't have to have been sexually abused before to know that I could be, easily.

Also, as a woman, make sure to park under a light, have your keys out before you get to your car and know the fastest escape route out of any building "just in case".

Always, worry about who you are with if there is a chance you may get a little tipsy.  If it's the wrong group of people, or one person is wrong, you never know what might happen. And more than likely you'll be blamed in some capacity.  Because you had been drinking you would be "asking for it".

Be leery of any relationship you might get into because he's bigger than you and there is no telling if a switch is going to flip and your going to be verbally or mentally abused.  Or heck if one day he's going to get mad and slam you against a wall or yank you down the hallway.  And if that does happen of course it would be my fault that it did.

"What did you do?"

"If you hadn't made me so mad..."

The blame is always placed on someone besides the abuser.

Heck, maybe it isn't something as extreme as all of that.  Maybe it's just the simple fact that my male employee doesn't respect me because I am a 30 something female.  That happens to me on a daily basis. What do I do about it? Become a "ball busting bitch" because I can't just be respected because I'm the boss.

Unfortunately, for the #notallmen hashtaggers, you are guilty until proven innocent because a woman can't take the chance.  If you aren't the misogynistic asshole that #yesallwomen think that you are, you are going to have to prove it.  Because all women operate under the knowledge that it is better to be safe than sorry. Too many of us have been sorry too many times to operate any other way.

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