Friday, February 27, 2015

Don't Worry. Add to Your Happy

I've been failing at blogging.  I understand this.  I apologize for it.  I don't know if that is because I spend about two hours in the car a day and that is that time that I would typically spend blogging or if I just don't have anything to blog about. I've been mulling over today's blog all week and I'm still not sure I have to words to get across my point.

I had a biopsy on a lump in my neck on Monday.  The lump has been there for months.  I went and saw my favorite doctor in Olympia.  It freaked him out, which freaked me out and he did a biopsy.  Which essentially means he stuck four needles in the lump and took out chunks and fluid to be tested.

First off, if you have never had a needle biopsy (I had one previously on my thyroid so I knew what to expect) they aren't nearly as bad as they sound.  They aren't comfortable but they aren't horrible either.  I will say that having a needle in your neck is disconcerting, regardless of whether it hurts or not. Second, biopsies are disconcerting in general. There's also the fact that this particular doctor is pretty laid back so when he decides to stick a needle in my neck it freaks me out.

So he calls me on Wednesday and immediately tells me that I don't have cancer. So that's awesome.  No. Really. It's awesome. Now that I think about it maybe I should have lead with that.

Anyway, that means that I had 36 hours to come up with every possible horrible scenario possible.  The second someone does a test to check for cancer your brain goes haywire (unless it's a pap and then you don't even think about it because you've been doing it since you were 13).  I started thinking about the short term disability that I elected this year with my benefits.  I started thinking about how much life insurance I have.  I started wondering what the life expectancy was for someone who has lymphoma.

I also stared analyzing my day to day life.  I have never been more annoyed at my two hour commute than I was on Tuesday and Wednesday morning.  How much of my life should I be expected to waste in the car?  My job is a necessary evil, even if I did have cancer.  But is my waste of life commute?

I was thinking the same thing about the people I interact with daily, or don't interact with as the case may be.  Who would I wish I had spent more time with?  What regrets would I have?

All of my worrying and questioning was for naught when Dr Shannon called to let me know that everything came back okay.

I guess the whole point to this is that maybe all of those questions that go around and around in our heads when were worried that we might be dying are the things that we should focus on daily when we're caught up in our lives. Don't end up 32 or 50 or 70 with regrets and should haves. Add to your happy.

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