Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Unpacking. In More Ways Than One.

I have had some not so great experiences with relinquishing control over various aspects of my life to other people.  When you choose to spend a significant portion of your life in a relationship with another person it's inevitable.  You have to give up some control.  In giving up that control you have to give a whole lot of trust. You can love someone and still be scarred enough from your past lives to not trust them to not let you fall.  Even if you think you trust them when you get thrown into certain situations you realize that you are holding on to some baggage.

For example.  We moved this past weekend.  It was quick and I wasn't ready for it.  In fact I didn't do anything to prepare for this move except pack my China.  Josh and his team came into the apartment after I left for baseball on Saturday morning, and by the time I came home from my tattoo appointment at 8:00 on Saturday night we were packed and moved. Not just that but I had a new bed that was ready to sleep in and part of the house had already been setup and unpacked.

I have heard from more than one person that they can't believe how well I've handled this whole process.  I've also had people ask me how I feel about relinquishing this control.  I'll admit, at first I wasn't okay with it at all.  I wasn't okay with  moving into a house I hadn't seen.  I wasn't okay with letting a bunch of boys pack all of my stuff.  I wasn't okay with not being in control of every second of this move.  And then I had a stern talk with myself.

No matter what has happened in the past you should never make the person that you ARE with pay for the short comings of the person that you WERE with. If you have issues and baggage surrounding the decisions that you made in the past deal with them.  Don't bring that shit with you and punish the person that is just trying to make your life easier.

Of course, as he has proven over and over, Josh had this.  Everything went smooth.  He proved that every single ounce of control I thought I needed to have was unnecessary.  Every worry, every stress, every negative thought was just dumb.

I guess the biggest point of this whole blog isn't that I didn't have to stress,  even though I didn't.  Or that I finally have someone who takes care of business and doesn't just wait for me to do it.  It's that he shouldn't have had to prove himself in the first place.  My issues aren't his issues.  All he does is love me and try to make me happy.

Unless someone gives you a reason not to trust that they can and will deal with whatever is happening, don't automatically assume that they can't.  That isn't fair to them and it isn't fair to your relationship.  It's like being sent to prison without a fair trial.  Trust shouldn't have to be earned, it should be given freely.

Monday, March 24, 2014

My New Tattoo (AKA The only time in my whole life I would have answered 10 on a pain scale)

Disclaimer: Although I have been known to write a blog or two that are PG-13 or even R rated in content, be aware that although the content of this blog is not PG-13 in nature, some of the photos may be :-)

Alright, now that I have that out of the way.  I got a new tattoo.

I have been contemplating getting a large side piece for quite some time.  When I went with Veronica, about a month ago, to get her most recent tattoo, I asked the tattoo artist, Travis, at Tron City tattoo, what it would take to do it.

After discussing ideas, we arranged for Travis to work on the design and scheduled and appointment for the following Thursday night. A couple of days later I received this via e-mail and was instantly in love.

Let me just state that although I love all of the girls that I went and got my first tattoo with at 17, I REALLY hated the tattoo.  It was stretched and unformed.  It morphed into something that looked like a conjoined T&R and I really needed it gone so one of the qualifications for this tattoo was that it covered the one on my stomach up.  It's still there, it's just underneath a leaf :-)

After this tattoo experience I have a new found respect for large tattoos.  This is technically my 10th tattoo but the one's I have gotten previously are small and simple.  I have always loved the sound of a tattoo gun, the pain of getting a new tattoo and just about everything else about having new ink.  This tattoo was no joke. 

The first session we did all of the outline and all of the shading.  Veronica came with me and was a trooper to sit through that whole thing and distract me.  It took three and a half hours and when it was finished I was informed that only one person had ever sat longer for him on a side piece.  Seriously, I wasn't going to be done until everything but the color was finished.  

When I got home after the first session and got in the shower I almost passed out.  Legitimately, my vision was blacking out and my ears were ringing.  I had to get out and sit on the toilet with my head between my legs, at which point Josh walked into the bathroom quite concerned.  The next morning I asked him to wait to leave until I was out of the shower because I was worried that I might try and pass out again.  It's really easy to forget that a tattoo is an open wound.  When that open wound is half of your height long it's a pretty big deal.   

Line work and shading after the first session. 

The bandage.  Veronica said it looked like I was attacked by a shark.

The old tattoo with just the line work. 

The second session was a little different.  I think that I wasn't expecting it to hurt as much as it did.  People tell you that the ribs are the most painful place to get tattooed.  I am going to have to call bullshit.  I now have one on each side on my ribs and although the color in the flowers on this tattoo wasn't pleasant and did hurt (I think my exact words were "Fuck, that hurts) getting my hip bone and the area around my hip bone tattooed rendered me speechless.

A word of warning.  I have the top of my foot tattooed, my lower back, the inside of my left arm.  I have dislocated my should 9 times, and put it back in myself. I have broken my multiple bones and had an epidural wear off in the middle of the night after having a C section with no pain medication.  There has been NOTHING more painful then getting my hip bone tattooed.  At one point I had tears running down my face.  At another point I was biting my hand just because that pain was better than the tattoo pain. I'm pretty sure I stated that I hated that flower.  But most of the time I laying there in silence because I had to go to a special place in my head in order to keep myself from making him stop.  Veronica was trying to keep me entertained but finally just gave up because I wasn't listening to her anyway.  Under no circumstances will I EVER get a tattoo even close to the other hip bone.

Yeah, that was how my face looked for the entire time I'm sure. 

Bite marks after the fact.  I couldn't figure out what they were when I first finished. 

Interestingly enough, the color hurt worse while getting done than the lines and shading but it doesn't hurt as bad now.  I didn't almost pass out in the shower.  I was able to wear pants and a bra the next day.  I even slept on my left side the night I finished this tattoo.  

Anyway, needless to say I felt like I needed to share this experience with all of my loyal (and patient) readers.  Now I just can't wait for bathing suit season!