Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Unpacking. In More Ways Than One.

I have had some not so great experiences with relinquishing control over various aspects of my life to other people.  When you choose to spend a significant portion of your life in a relationship with another person it's inevitable.  You have to give up some control.  In giving up that control you have to give a whole lot of trust. You can love someone and still be scarred enough from your past lives to not trust them to not let you fall.  Even if you think you trust them when you get thrown into certain situations you realize that you are holding on to some baggage.

For example.  We moved this past weekend.  It was quick and I wasn't ready for it.  In fact I didn't do anything to prepare for this move except pack my China.  Josh and his team came into the apartment after I left for baseball on Saturday morning, and by the time I came home from my tattoo appointment at 8:00 on Saturday night we were packed and moved. Not just that but I had a new bed that was ready to sleep in and part of the house had already been setup and unpacked.

I have heard from more than one person that they can't believe how well I've handled this whole process.  I've also had people ask me how I feel about relinquishing this control.  I'll admit, at first I wasn't okay with it at all.  I wasn't okay with  moving into a house I hadn't seen.  I wasn't okay with letting a bunch of boys pack all of my stuff.  I wasn't okay with not being in control of every second of this move.  And then I had a stern talk with myself.

No matter what has happened in the past you should never make the person that you ARE with pay for the short comings of the person that you WERE with. If you have issues and baggage surrounding the decisions that you made in the past deal with them.  Don't bring that shit with you and punish the person that is just trying to make your life easier.

Of course, as he has proven over and over, Josh had this.  Everything went smooth.  He proved that every single ounce of control I thought I needed to have was unnecessary.  Every worry, every stress, every negative thought was just dumb.

I guess the biggest point of this whole blog isn't that I didn't have to stress,  even though I didn't.  Or that I finally have someone who takes care of business and doesn't just wait for me to do it.  It's that he shouldn't have had to prove himself in the first place.  My issues aren't his issues.  All he does is love me and try to make me happy.

Unless someone gives you a reason not to trust that they can and will deal with whatever is happening, don't automatically assume that they can't.  That isn't fair to them and it isn't fair to your relationship.  It's like being sent to prison without a fair trial.  Trust shouldn't have to be earned, it should be given freely.

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